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by Burning_Nightingale



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Conversations, F/M, Reunions, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 18:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13840287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_Nightingale/pseuds/Burning_Nightingale
Summary: After Cerberus brings her back to life, Shepard has very few people she can trust.Lucky for her, she still has Joker.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Forlorn_Melody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forlorn_Melody/gifts).



> Hope you enjoy, recip!

“It’s good to be home, huh Commander?”

_Home_. The words hits and Shepard blinks, struck dumb for a moment with the weight of it. It’s a loaded word, carrying more baggage with it she’d like to admit.

Home has always been a weird, nebulous concept for her. Moving from station to ship to station, her childhood was almost as tranistory as her adult life in the military. Home has always been a fluid, changing thing, more about the people around her and the quirks all Alliance soldiers share, rather than familiar corridors or rooms.

The _Normandy SR2_ won’t be home, not yet. She can tell just by looking at it that the new ship is bigger, probably more roomy and spacious than the _SR1_. It will take time for her to become used to its rhythms, the background hum, the soft creaks and groans of the metal.

But the man beside her; the jubliant, excited expression on his face, the way he bounces slightly on his feet, as if he’d like to run down to the hangar and onto the ship right now - that’s familiar. In this strange new reality, Joker is the same - unchanged, it seems, by the two years Shepard has been gone.

He’s familiar. He’s _home_.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice soft, “It’s good to be home.”

*

They go side by side down to the hangar bay, Shepard keeping pace with Joker’s slower steps, her armour clanking with each movement. It’s different to her old set, clearly improved, but the sound it makes as she walks is the same comforting rustle of undersuit and _clank_ of metal plates.

“The Alliance really grounded you?” she asks.

“They were just waiting for an excuse,” Joker says, “You know how it is. Plenty of other pilots out there who don’t come with the ‘hassle’ of extra medical care.”

“So you’re out, then?”

“Yeah.” Joker scratches the back of his head; he seems a little embarrassed to admit it. “Went home for a while. Argued with mom. Argued more when she found out about the job offer from Cerberus. That’ll teach me to tell her _anything_.”

Shepard smiled. “So how is it on Arcturus?”

“You didn’t hear? My folks have gone colonial. They’re farmers now.” Joker sounds somewhere between amused and disgusted.

For a moment panic clutches at Shepard’s stomach; did she know that before she died? Is this the first sign of gaps in her memory?

Then a brief conversation in the old _Normandy’s_ cockpit comes back to her; Joker laughing, telling her how his sister had called in the middle of the night, begging him to try and change their parents’ minds.

“I remember now,” she says, “Does your sister hate it as much as she thought she would?”

“She was still sulking when I got there, but she got over it.”

“How long were you there?”

Joker shrugs. “Most of a year and a half. Found a job piloting transport shuttles. It’s a pretty new colony, so not many pilots. They were willing to take me on, provided they didn’t have to cover me for ‘medical extras’.”

“Jesus.” Shepard doesn’t intend for the word to come out as a growl, but it does anyway.

It seems to amuse Joker, at least. “Easy, Commander, no need for a headhunt. Cerberus, on the other hand, gives full medical cover for _all_ their employees, no questions asked. Even dental!” He laughs. “And you’ll never guess who’s going to be patching you up when you get blown halfway to hell and back.”

Shepard glances over at him, feeling the tightness in her chest loosen at the sight of his grin. “Who?”

“Turns out I’m not the only original crew member making a comeback.”

Shepard blinks. “You don’t- Doctor Chakwas?”

“The lady herself! Apparently she got bored with her fancy-pants job on Mars, and decided to come rough it with us hooligans again.”

Shepard is sure her grin is as wide as Joker’s. “That’s great news.”

“Sure is better to be poked and prodded by someone you know, huh?”

As Shepard laughs, they find themselves entering the hangar bay. Miranda and Jacob are waiting, and Miranda hustles Shepard off to a side room to change out of her armour and into a Cerberus uniform. As she goes, Shepard turns to take one last look at Joker, who shoots her a casual salute as he enters the docking tube with Jacob.

Things still aren’t great. She’s still working for Cerberus; she still doesn’t trust any of their people; she still doesn’t know if she is actually _herself_ , rather than some incredibly advanced clone.

But with Joker and Chakwas here, she at least has a lifeline to cling to; a handhold to steady herself in the storm.

*

Life with Cerberus is strange.

In so many respects it feels like being with the Alliance; but always there, in the back of Shepard’s mind, is the knowledge of who she works for. What they’ve done. What they’re probably continuing to do, somewhere out of her sight.

The Cerberus crew are nice enough. Half of them joined Cerberus specifically for this mission, and seem somewhat ambivalent about the organisation itself; Shepard suspects the Illusive Man and Miranda picked them deliberately to make her feel more comfortable. The fact that many of them seem to be former Alliance members only seems to support the theory.

Jacob is competent, businesslike, respectful; Shepard often finds herself wondering how and why he didn’t fit in with the military. Despite Joker’s complaints about her, Miranda is easy enough to work with, if a little pushy at times. Shepard has never found it hard to confront an issue, but the fact that Miranda essentially brought her back to life hangs between them, causing some sort of weird, unnameable tension. Shepard isn’t ungrateful, but it’s not exactly a subject to bring up in casual conversation.

And then there’s EDI.

Joker seems to have decided EDI is his personal nemesis. The trip to Omega isn’t that long, and yet Shepard no longer has enough fingers or toes to count how many times she’s walked in on them arguing.

“Shepard.”

_Clang_. The nail scissors make a surprising amount of noise as they fly off the bathroom sink and clatter onto the floor, getting lost in the shadows underneath the toilet.

Shepard curses under her breath as she bends to pick them up. She only yesterday discovered that EDI can talk to her anywhere on the ship, including in her own bathroom. “Yeah, what?”

“I am concerned. Mr Moreau has been attempting to disable the surveillance equipment in the cockpit. This is against Cerberus protocols.”

Shepard sighs. “Y’know, EDI, I was trying to concentrate.”

“Nail clipping is not classified as a mentally taxing activity.”

“And interrupting people in the bathroom is generally considered poor taste, not to mention an invasion of privacy.”

EDI pauses for a moment, as if digesting this comment. Then she says, “Still, as the _Normandy’s_ commanding officer, it is your job to enforce protocol.”

“Did he actually manage to shut down the cameras?” Shepard pauses as a horrible thought occurrs to her. “Wait, do you have cameras in here?”

“Yes. I have cameras all over the ship. Mr Moreau has attempted to disable or disrupt these cameras three times now.” After a slight pause EDI says, “Are you are going to allow these protocol infringements to slide?” EDI definitely sounds disapproving, and almost…exasperated.

Still shuddering at the thought of EDI - and by extension, possibly the Illusive Man - being able to watch her in the shower, Shepard picks up her nail scissors again and says, “I guess Joker doesn’t like you watching him.” _Just like I don’t_.

“It is still against protocol,” EDI says stubbornly.

Shepard sighs. “I’ll tell him to stop.”

“That would be appreciated.”

“Now, can I get back to my _private_ time in peace?”

“Logging you out, Commander.”

Is it her imagination, or did that sound passive-aggressive? Can EDI even _be_ passive-aggressive?

Maybe she’s just imagining things.

A few minutes later, having restored her nails to their usual, practical short length, Shepard steps out of the elevator on the CIC level, nodding to Kelly and the other crew members who salute as she appears. Sometimes things on the SR2 are so reminiscent of serving on an Alliance vessel that it ‘s easy to forget she’s working with Cerberus; then EDI speaks, or Miranda  pops up to talk about something, and the illusion shatters.

Joker is in his usual position at the helm, fiddling with something on one of the computer screens. He barely glances her way when she drops down into the unoccupied co-pilot’s seat. “Aren’t you supposed to be off-duty, Commander?”

“Is a CO ever off duty?”

“Nope. And that’s why I stick to piloting,” Joker says, adjusting a holo-dial. “I like being able to tell you ‘suck it, Commander, I’m on break!’”

Shepard decides not to mention all the times she’d had to badger him to leave his post and get some sleep, back on the original _Normandy_. “EDI tells me you’ve been messing with her cameras,” she says.

“EDI is a goddamn snitch,” Joker grumbles.

“I don’t want you to get fired, Joker,” Shepard says. “And I’m not sure how tolerant Cerberus will be of…antics. So just… don’t push it, okay?”

“Yes, Commander,” Joker says, his voice reluctant and borderline petulant.

“Just think of it as not abandoning me here with all these Cerberus freaks,” Shepard says. She’d meant it to come out as a joke, but it sounds uncomfortably serious.

Joker glances at her out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t say anything beyond, “No worries, Commander. I won’t abandon you to Miranda’s evil clutches.”

_I’ve been there long enough_ , Shepard thinks, but she doesn’t say it.

That should be the end of it; she’s said what she needed to, resolved the issue, and now she should go back up to her cabin and get some much-needed rest. But with sleep comes the dreams - distorted, half-formed images of shadows and flames and empty space, her vision filling with darkness, her lungs gasping for air -so she stays in her seat. Like most conversations with Joker, it’s one of the few times since waking in the Cerberus facility that the atmosphere around her hasn’t been strained with tension, and she feels relaxed.

“We’ll be at Omega in around ten hours,” Joker says, probably wondering why she’s still hanging around.

“Right. Good.” The thought of Omega wouldn’t make her nervous, if she had someone - _anyone_ \- from her old team to watch her back, but the thought of setting foot on the Terminus Systems’ most dangerous station with two unknowns on her six makes her more than a little uneasy.

“Jacob mentioned something about recruiting,” Joker says, “We picking up mercenaries or something? Omega’s supposed to be the top place for that sort of backroom shit.”

“I think Cerberus could provide us with all the footsoldiers we wanted, if we asked for them,” Shepard says. “We’re looking for people with more unique qualifications.” She pauses, then adds, “Although one of them _is_ a mercenary.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Zaeed Massani. I guess they think I need some muscle at my back.”

Joker snorts. “Yeah, okay.”

“Having Wrex along never hurt,” Shepard says, overwhelmed for a moment with thoughts of the gruff  krogan. He’s one of the few members of her old team the Illusive Man had given her a concrete location for; the thought of directing the _Normandy_ towards Tuchanka has crossed her mind more than once over the past few days, just as she’s considered heading for Illium to seek out Liara.

As if he’s reading her mind, Joker says, “Y’know, I bet he’d come along if we asked him.”

“He might. The trouble would be getting to him.”

Joker looks over at her. “You know where he is?”

“He’s gone back to Tuchanka, and you don’t land on Tuchanka without CDEM permission.” Shepard sighs. “If I was still a Spectre I think I could swing it, but now…”

“Right. He’s a no-go.” Joker shakes his head. “So we get this Mazziani guy as a replacement.”

“Massani. We get him, as well as a salarian scientist who’s supposed to be able to find us a defence against the Collector’s paralysis tech, and someone the Illusive Man called ‘Archangel’.”

“‘Archangel’?” Joker echoes.

“Yeah, I have no idea who that is. Another merc, I guess.” Shepard relaxes back into her seat, looking up at the blank metal ceiling. “This would be a whole lot easier to deal with if we were still with the Alliance,” she says, letting her eyes slip shut.

“Maybe. But you heard how the Alliance haven’t been looking into this whole Collector thing. Makes it seem like maybe Cerberus is the better guy to deal with, since they seem to be letting you off the leash to y’know, deal with the problem.”

“Then I revise my statement; this would be a whole lot easier to deal with if I were still a Spectre,” Shepard says. “Then I could do whatever I goddamn wanted.”

“Yeah. And, y’know…” Joker pauses, as if he’s hesitant to say whatever he’s thinking. “You’re one of the few people who might not actually turn out to be a fucking nightmare, given the power to just, y’know, do whatever.”

Shepard laughs. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Joker.”

“Seriously. Can you imagine Miranda as a Spectre? Or Wrex? Even Garrus? It would end in tears. Messy, bloody, court tribunal-level tears.”

“Garrus isn’t _that_ bad.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, but he’s a court-martial waiting to happen.”

Shepard huffs out another laugh, feeling herself relax further into her seat. Joker was right, they are surprisingly comfortable, much better than the cockpit seats on the previous _Normandy_.

They’re quiet for a long time, Shepard drifting in and out of a light doze, before Joker asks, “Hey, you think EDI can watch me in the toilet, Commander?”

“She can watch definitely watch _me_ in the toilet,” Shepard mutters.

“Jesus _Christ_.”


End file.
